How's that for an intro question? It's something I have been pondering off and on for a few weeks now. It seems you see stories about bullying in the news almost weekly. But those stories mostly involve hormonally supercharged immature teenagers. But I have found that bullying occurs throughout our lifetime......with one major difference. As we age, the "meanness" is displayed with more subtlety in adults.
Our son experienced bullying in elementary school....at a lovely Christian school. Surrounded by caring adults. In what my husband and I thought was a caring, nurturing environment. We ended up pulling him out of the school after he suffered from depression that we believe was caused by the bullying. We should have pulled him out 2 years earlier but thought he was going through a "phase" and that it would pass. Ha. As parents we definitely goofed on that call. Lesson learned.
And then there are the people as adults who interact in our lives that are just plain ornery. You know, like the sour faced lady at the grocery store who grumbles about every little thing....the price of food is too high, the cashier is too slow, it's too loud in the store, why are those children crying.....and on and on it goes as she vents her irritation to anyone close enough to listen. At least she isn't being mean to the person unfortunate enough to be behind her in line at the register. She's just a sad excuse for a human being. And, I can ignore her.....nothing she says hurts me.
The folks that cause me to stop and reflect the most, though, are those we first meet and walk away thinking, "Huh, this may be a new friend for me.". You get your hopes up and think of ways to spend time together to get to know one another better. You let them into your personal space. And then as you get to know him or her, you find yourself replaying their words to you over and over in your mind, wondering what exactly did they say that made you feel uncomfortable.....or hurt.....or "on guard".....or even angry.
Yup. I'm sure you have all had an experience like that at sometime in your life. Unfortunately, I've run into someone lately that I had high hopes of becoming a close friend. It seemed that our paths had crossed for a purpose and I was happy and excited to spend more time with her. After all, we had so much in common. Until. Yeah, those danged words again. Seemingly innocuous words. Anyone else hearing them wouldn't give them a second thought. But those words had a purpose.....they were intended to hurt.....however subtle, the intent is still there if you recognize it. And a lifetime of experience has taught me how to recognize the intent.
Those words seemed to have the power to cut me deep inside. And put me on guard. And made me not want to be with her. There was a purposed "dig" in those words, meant to hurt...meant to elevate her and demean me. Seriously? Who needs that kind of garbage in their life? What I think bothers me the most is that I let those words make me question my value, my worth, my abilities. And yes, it hurt to have someone be so thoughtless.
So what does it "Mean to be Mean"? It means always putting yourself before others. It means using your words to purposely spew ugliness at someone else. It means you might not have very many friends, because who would want to spend time with someone who isn't kind? It means being thoughtless or rude or condescending or plain ole snotty. How un-adult of them. How un-Christian of them. How self-serving of them.
I choose kindness. I choose love. I choose happiness. I choose to be positive. I choose to be hospitable to those who come to visit us. We all have our weird foibles, those personality traits that try as we might, we will more than likely never change. And if any of those foibles are hurtful, I hope that I, as well as you, will decide to limit those hurtful exchanges whenever possible. Because you never know what someone else is going through. We all have some kind of hardship in our lives.....so be kind to those you meet because the road they travel may well be much more difficult than the one you are on.
We still live (I hope) in a civil society. And in a civil society there are socially acceptable norms and I believe courtesy and kindness are two attributes that always bear repeating with those whom we come into contact. Manners count, but so does thoughtfulness, loyalty, and true friendship.
I hope this post gives you pause and makes you think about the power of your words. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Oh, yeah, and as for the person that I thought was going to be my friend? All I can say is, no way, Jose`!!!!
Happy Farm Chick,
Debbie
