So, I had agreed to marry this guy I only knew for 3 days......and he put a ring on my finger.....and then he said he'd like me to meet his parents. Now reality started to set in. This was going to be the shortest engagement in history. Joel called his mom and dad and they arranged to come to my house.....not knowing who they were about to meet or what was going on.
I just knew this was going to be a disaster. You see, I'm five years older than Joel.....not a big deal when you're middle aged or older, but I was 32 and he was 27. And I was divorced. With two teenaged kids. And Joel was an only child. Did I already mention his parents had been missionaries? What business did I have marrying their son........I hardly knew how to pray! I certainly wouldn't be up to their standards as a Christian. I just knew they were going to find me unworthy of their only child. And on and on my mind reeled for the next 24 hours.
Well, Wednesday morning dawned, my kids went off to school and I began preparations for meeting Joel's parents. And running to the bathroom every five minutes. Kinda nauseated. And kinda nervous as I set out danish and made coffee. Joel had told me his dad loved doughnuts and danish and I think I must have had 4 different kinds of goodies to choose from. Me? Nervous? What are you talking about? Yikes! Ok, so I was a little anxious.
Soon enough, Madalen and Fred arrived, Joel introduced us, and we sat down at my kitchen table. While we all stirred our coffee, Joel began explaining how we had met the previous Friday, and how we had talked and gotten to know each other. And then he jumped right in and told them he had asked me to marry him. Gulp. I held my breath as I waited for a verbal assault from one of his sweet parents. Without hardly skipping a beat, Joel's dad reached across the table, put his hand on mine, looked me in the eyes and said he had been praying for me to come into his son's life and he was so happy I was going to be his daughter. I think my jaw may have dropped open.
I couldn't believe it. Did he just say what I think he said? It's hard, even to to this day, to be able to explain the feeling that washed over me in that instant. It was a feeling of total and unreserved acceptance. From a complete stranger. No doubts. No recriminations. Just loving acceptance. I had never experienced that kind of acceptance before, from anyone, let alone a stranger. And Joel's dad, soon to be my new dad, was offering it to me.
And then the other shoe dropped. Joel's mom, Madalen, got up from her chair. She began pacing back and forth behind us and wringing her hands. Uh-oh. Here it comes, I thought. This mother bear is going to protect her baby cub. And then she began to speak. "Joel, you're going to have to put these children first. No more doing what you want. Your hobbies have to come last." Oh, my! She was worried about my kids! She wasn't mad at me! Seriously? How are these people so calm about our news?
All these years later I understand that Joel's parents knew he wasn't someone to do anything rash. And that if he said he had prayed about this decision, they trusted him. And believed in him. And so we set about making plans for a wedding.........six weeks later! Yes, you see, Joel didn't believe in long distance relationships. He wanted to jump right in and be married. We could date once we were married, he said. And so we have.....for the last 30 years.
That all took place 30 years ago this last weekend. I am still amazed whenever I think about the events of that week. And I'm so grateful for the man who became my husband. He sure has put up with a lot! I'm not certain if he really knew what he was getting into the day he asked me to marry him. But I am so glad he did. Now I can't imagine my life without him. Oh, don't get me wrong, we've had our trials. And then some! But I am eternally grateful for the guy who came and sat on my lounge chair......trying to get to know me.
We were married almost 20 years when Joel finally confessed to me how he had such confidence in asking me to marry him after such a brief time together. He said that for years as an older teen and through his twenties he had a recurring dream. In his dream was a girl with blonde hair, blue eyes and a bubbly personality. He said that as soon as he met me, he knew I was the girl in his dreams. Now that's romantic.
One Lucky Wife,
Debbie
