As I checked the calendar earlier this weekend, I realized it was Friday, April 15th. Thirty years to the day that Joel and I met one another at a medical conference at the Sheraton on Sand Key Beach, Florida. Wow! How in the world did those thirty years go by so fast?
After I reminded Joel about the date, we spent this past weekend reminiscing about all the events of that fateful weekend so long ago. The year we met was 1986 and Joel was living in Kansas City, Missouri while he worked at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. The Army had put him through medical school and he was doing his four years of payback time working in a family practice clinic and ER on the Army base. He already had one year behind him with three more to go.
I had just finished nursing school in Florida the year before and was working at a local hospital....by chance the very same hospital where Joel and his first wife, Elaine, had done their one year internship. I never met Joel or Elaine that year, but I remember seeing Elaine walking the halls of the hospital as she made rounds. Sadly, Elaine died from complications of the flu mere months after they had moved to Kansas City. I had heard about the young doctor whose physician wife had passed away suddenly and would occasionally find myself praying for him and all the trials he must have gone through.
Well, the spring after Elaine passed away, the ER department at my hospital was hosting a medical conference and many docs from previous internship classes and residency programs at the hospital were planning on attending. One of the nurses I worked with insisted I join her that Friday and hang around the pool at the Sheraton so she could chat with some of the docs who were old friends of hers. I finally relented and showed up, bathing suit on, and beach towel in hand.
Before I knew it, we were sitting on beach chairs, chatting with some of the interns and sipping pina` coladas. This guy came over and plopped down on the end of my lounge chair and struck up a conversation. He said his name was Joel and we hung out the rest of the afternoon, laughing and enjoying the sunshine and balmy breezes coming off the Gulf of Mexico. Someone brought out a camera and snapped several pictures...including pics of Joel and I sitting on my lounge chair. Huh.
I didn't think anything of it....this nice guy was just making conversation, right? We had all decided to go to dinner at a local restaurant and I met everyone there a few hours later. There were 15 of us, quite a rowdy group.....and guess who sat directly in front of me? Yup, that same guy, Joel. He later confided in me that when he had gone home from the beach to change his clothes at his cousin's house, he had told him he met a girl and wanted to cut her out of the "herd" of people there that afternoon. Um, not exactly sweet, romantic words, right? giggle....
After dinner, we all agreed to meet up back at the Sheraton to dance at their lounge on the top floor of the hotel. Wouldn't you know, Joel and I were the only ones that showed up? Weird, where did the other 13 people go? We each got a glass of wine and settled in to chat over the noisy music. Joel began explaining what had happened to Elaine and the impact her death had on him. In order to better hear his earnest recollections, we moved outside under the swaying palm trees where it was much quieter. It felt to me that the story of his experience needed telling......like the final stage of grief from a great loss.
Suddenly I realized it was almost midnight and explained that I needed to get home. Joel was confused at first, wondering why an adult had to be home before midnight. I laughed as I explained that I had two teenaged children at home waiting for me and I didn't like to stay out too late. He asked if there wasn't any way we could chat some more, and after discussing it with him, I decided he could follow me home in his car and we could continue our conversation there.
Lest you think I was a foolish young woman, please realize I knew Joel's cousin, who was a well respected doctor at my hospital. I basically( and shamelessly) told Joel that if he wasn't a complete gentleman, I would be sure to let the entire hospital know it and embarrass his cousin. So, having laid down my terms, Joel followed me home. The kids went to bed and Joel lit a fire in the fireplace while I made a pot of coffee.
Before we knew it, it was 7:00am and the sun was coming out. Oh, my! We had talked the entire night.....sharing parts of our past with each other and, in my mind, simply getting to know a new friend. I had no idea Joel was interested in me romantically. You see, after 11 years of being a single mom, I had finally given up on my dream of being happily married. I figured out that God had other plans for me and so I had resigned myself to the fact that I had two wonderful kids and my health and that would be good enough for me.
Hahaha.....anyway, I finally went to bed and slept several hours that Saturday. Then later that day I had to work from 3-11pm at the hospital. When I went to clock out after my shift, I was surprised to see Joel standing by the time clock! I asked him if he was looking for one of the interns....duh! See? I wasn't thinking of anything remotely romantic. No, he wasn't looking for an intern. He was wondering if I would go out and have a drink with him.
"Um, no, I'm sorry, but I can't." He asked why and I said that I didn't want to go out two nights in a row and leave my kids late at night. "Well," he said,"I'd be happy to sit and chat at your house and have some more coffee." Huh, I thought. "Ok," I said. And so, once again he followed me back to my house, started another fire in the fireplace while I made another pot of coffee. That night we each asked the other if we ever thought we would get married again, have kids, etc. And I even remember telling him that maybe someday I would even get to fly to Kansas City to visit him as we had become fast friends. And I invited him to contact me whenever he was back in Florida visiting him relatives and we could go out and have some dinner, one of Joel's favorite pastimes. Little did I know how soon I would be in Kansas City!
You're not going to believe this, but we actually talked until 7:30am Sunday morning! I know! Time just went by so fast and we seemed to have so much to say to each other. I remember thinking, how nice that I made a new friend this weekend. I'm so glad my girlfriend pushed me to go to the conference. Joel said he was going to spend the remaining part of the week visiting his parents in nearby Land O' Lakes before he had to report back to the Army base in Leavenworth on Friday. I figured that was the last time I'd see him for a year or so.
Not so fast! He asked if he could take the kids and I to our church that morning. "Um, sure, I don't see why not." I replied. Off he went to his cousin's house to change clothes. I'm sure you can imagine the ribbing he received from them when he walked into their house for the second morning in a row after not sleeping in his bed. Anyway, he showed up in time to take the three of us to church. While we were sitting in the service, Joel reached over and took my hand and whispered,"Don't be scared but I'm falling in love with you." Whaaaaaaaat???? For once in my life I was completely shocked. I seriously had no idea he felt that way. To say that I was flustered was an understatement.
After church, we stopped at Burger King and picked up lunch. At my house the kids were outside setting up the food on our picnic table when Joel asked me to come over to him in my kitchen. He slipped him arms around my waist and pulled me in close. To be honest, I had no clue what was coming next. And then he asked me two questions. "I want to know if you will marry me? Will you be my wife?"
Things got kinda hazy after that for me......I mean, really......here was this really nice guy. We were new friends, I thought. And I had given up on finding a great guy. And now he was asking me to marry him? I didn't even have time to think about how I felt about it all. And then, I'm not kidding you, from out of nowhere came my voice saying,"If you'll help me lead people to the Lord, I'll marry you." And then I clamped my mouth shut, stunned at what had just come out of it!
Let me backtrack here. I had only become a Christian the year before Joel and I met. And my Christian walk was in it's infancy. Here was Joel, a wonderful guy raised by two devoted Christian parents. And they had been missionaries, no less! I guess because we had talked about spiritual things those two nights, that had influenced my strange reply to his marriage proposal. But how could I marry a guy I just met that weekend? I nervously giggled, called in sick to work, and we went outside to eat our burgers with the kids.
Joel took me out to a lovely restaurant for dinner that Sunday evening and we began making plans for our future together. Together! How wonderful. How scary. How crazy! We spent Monday apart, praying for God's guidance. This was, after all, a huge commitment for both of us, and we had very little to base our decision on. And yet, somehow, I had this feeling of complete and utter peace. I can't explain it to this day, except to say, it's the peace that passes all understanding that the Bible talks about. And I had it. Wow!
Tuesday morning, Joel came to the house and asked me how I felt. I confessed that I had no reason to agree to marry someone I had only met 3 days earlier, but somehow it was the right thing to do and that everything would be ok. He hugged me and we went to a jewelry store where he bought me a diamond band for a wedding ring, and matching ring without a center diamond in it. Since we were both recent graduates with looming school loans, we had to be frugal. And I agreed we could use the diamond from Elaine's ring to put into the engagement ring for me. And just like that, we were getting married!
More tomorrow,
Deb
